Randy, what are you doing?! Grandpa tied that tie for me five years ago.
- You know I don't know how to tie it again. - I'm sorry, Earl.
I wanted to show you what I'd look like as a drunk guy at an '80s party.
Nice. Rock the casbah.
If I'm late for the funeral, I'm in trouble.
The last girl to show up has to give the departed his final lap dance.
Only one man in town could make people afraid of him even from beyond the grave.
And that man was Richard Chubby.
During his lifetime, Chubby was a powerful businessman.
He owned everything worth owning.
Come on down.
Don't forget- sweatpants are allowed and truckers shower for free.
And Richard Chubby liked more than just the smell of money.
When you combine all that money and power, you get a whole lot of crazy.
Open up.
Vodka.
Even if he didn't have a weapon in his hand, his hand was still a weapon.
It was scariest when even Chubby didn't know what he was doing.
Would you like me to freshen that drink for you?
I'll be damned! Ha-ha. I got the wrong gun!
There was a huge crowd at Chubby's funeral,
not cos people loved him, but cos attendance was mandatory for all Chubby employees.
Even worse, the service was during their unpaid lunch break.
Damn shame. I heard Chubby was just trying to do vodka shots.
Picked up the wrong gun and blew his head off.
Poor guy. Could have happened to anybody.
We could leave. It's not like Chubby's gonna pop out and kill people if they walk out.
We're staying because of the new boss. They say he's even worse.
(horn honks)
Catalina was right. The new boss was even worse.
With Big Chubby gone, there was only one person to take over the family business:
His son, Little Chubby.
Now that Big Chubby had died, his son was the most powerful man in Camden County.
That made me nervous, since me and him had history.
A few years ago, Little Chubby's favourite hobby was messing with people.
- He messed with Randy. - Hey, Randy.
There's a spot on your shirt.
I'm not falling for that again.
Look down. It'll be a lot of laughs.
All right, fine. You win.
He messed with me.
Get your ear pierced. Then we could be earring buddies.
Earrings aren't really my thing, LC.
So what you're saying is you think earrings look stupid.
No, that's not what I'm saying. I like earrings.
- I think that's what you're saying. - Little Chubby, what are you doing?
Aaaaarghhh...
Let's take a look.
You're right. It does look stupid. Ha-ha.
I think this ear means you're gay.
- He even messed with Crab Man. - That's the Fine Young Cannibals.
(♪ "She Drives Me Crazy")
I'll tell you something.
I do not like... Fine Young Cannibals.
He ended up on my list cos he messed with Joy when she was pregnant with Earl Jr.
Did I ever tell you I always had a fantasy of doing it with a pregnant chick?
It's like having sex with a fat chick, except I can't get her pregnant.
I wouldn't have sex with you if I was starving and your wiener was a ham sandwich.
Ham wiener. Classic.
(laughing)
- Ow! Ow! - Yeah.
While you were laughing, I accidentally cut off your rat tail.
So I'll tell you what, pretty girl.
Why don't we see if you can drink this before I cut off your hair, huh?
Hurry up.
He made me drink Randy's rat tail. I would have rather drank a real rat tail.
- You need to kill Little Chubby, slowly. - I'm not messing with that psycho.
Then you should have married a whore, instead of a real lady like me!
There was no point in arguing over Little Chubby, or that "real lady" comment.
I wanted to make her happy without getting killed, so I'd have to be really clever.
(cheering)
Number 43 on my list: "Racked a rich guy."
Day after the funeral, I went to tell Little Chubby what I'd done.
I'd expected him to do something crazy, but not this.
Earl, I want to thank you.
Truth is, the day you kicked me, it was a turning point in my life.
He explained that what hurt more than the pain in his baby-makers
was the realisation that everyone hated him.
And even weeks later, he couldn't shake the pain.
And so he just kept walking.
When a rich person's upset, they can do more than walk around the block.
- They can take a walk anywhere. - What's up, Aborigines?
Somewhere along his walk, he got the idea to be a nice person in the world,
do good deeds, like feed the hungry.
All right, you Aborigines, which one of you had Vegemite on wheat?
I realised we had something in common. We were both trying to be better people.
I didn't wanna come back, but I had to run the business.
I'm not gonna do it like Dad did. It's gonna be a kinder, gentler Club Chubby.
Got a heated stripper pole for the gals, screening for hep C, free of charge,
and I finally put a light bulb in the VIP room.
- Can I touch the heated pole? - Sure. Knock yourself out. Ha-ha.
Thank you for making me a better person.
Maybe if somebody had kicked Dad in the nuts,
he wouldn't have been so mean, and Mom wouldn't have hit the highway.
Must have been tough, seeing your mom leave.
She didn't leave. My dad threw her out of a moving car.
Still, it was tough to watch. Anyways, thanks a lot.
Just want to thank you. Give me a hug.
Male intimacy, it's not just for gays any more.
(Randy makes Tarzan call)
(cheering and applause)
(man) Nice!
- For you. - Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
I don't think I'm allowed to take phone numbers.
Since Little Chubby was a whole new guy, we started hanging out with him again.
This time, he didn't scare the hell out of us.
I would've got you a card, but they didn't have one that said, "Sorry I cut off your rat tail."
Cool!
This is way softer than my real hair.
He let us hang out at the mansion he inherited and live like they did on "Silver Spoons".
Hey, Joy. Hey, foetus. How you two doing?
Living large, LC. Man, is this thing comfortable.
They should make wheelchairs out of this stuff.
Then nobody would bitch about being in one.
I love it here.
Man, I'm rusty.
- Who was that? - Oh, uh... Well, just enjoy.
- Pretty nice up here, huh? - I could get used to living like this again.
I'm just happy I can share with people, you know?
Friends.
It was nice seeing a man who used to be so angry all the time be so happy.
Hey, why don't you help yourself to some fresh fruit?
Think I'm gonna catch a few Z's.
Still, I wanted to do something so I could cross Little Chubby off my list.
But I couldn't figure out what, since his life was so perfect.
Then I saw his freakishly damaged little chubbies,
and I realised he had two giant problems.
Hey, Earl, you're never gonna... Oh, my Go...
Ever since I'd seen his robe fall open,
I couldn't get Little Chubby's crazy-looking gonad pouch off my brain.
And so he was back on my list.
Yeah, it's about how big each one was. Now show them the colour.
It was mostly purple, like this.
But there was black and blue, too.
Then there were streaks of a colour I can only describe as "brorange".
That's probably why he always made that sound as he sat down.
I thought it was cos he was just relaxing.
- How's it going? - Hey, man, sit down and join us.
Don't mind if I do.
Ahh.
(prolonged groan)
Ah. Hm.
How you doing?
For the shape, I'm really gonna need a hammer.
It looks like how I pictured Grimace's McNuggets.
I bet that's why he doesn't have a woman. Little Chubby, not Grimace.
I'm sure Grimace pulls chicks left and right.
The injury could affect libido, like when you neuter a dog
and it doesn't want to hump your leg even if you're wearing corduroy.
That explains why he didn't look when I kissed Lacey on stage the other day.
See? That's the look I expected to get.
Well, I gotta make it up to him somehow.
I just hope he doesn't need a transplant, cos I don't think we're the same type.
Are we done comparing this mango to a man's 'nads? Cos I want to eat it.
Nobody knew how I could help Chubby, so I decided to talk to him man-to-man.
So you guys saw it, huh? Wow.
Sorry. I hope it wasn't too traumatic for you.
Some Aborigine tribes actually used to pray to 'em.
So what do you say? You almost done here, fellas?
To be honest, I haven't looked at 'em myself for months.
It kind of freaks me out. Is that one part of it still?
- I don't have the words to describe it. - Brorange?
- Yeah, that's it. - I'm afraid so.
- You also have bleen, yurple and gred. - That's not good.
- There's nothing the doctors can do? - I've never been to a doctor.
My dad always said, "Never trust a man that wants to put his finger in your butt."
- You can't argue with that logic. - On the other hand,
if Dad was so smart, why'd he have a hole in his head where the vodka should have been?
Let's go see a doc, huh? Ha-ha.
Cheese and crackers!
That's something!
I can see your heartbeat!
So, can you fix 'em?
Without a transplant, hopefully. Not that I wouldn't be willing.
No transplant, but I gotta say,
you couldn't have kicked him in a more perfect spot.
Mr. Chubby, you've got an obdurate testicular haematoma.
Ah. You know any of those words?
He took the jingle out of your bells. You're not making testosterone.
That explains your low sex drive, and why you rented Memoirs of a Geisha.
Man, that was the worst kung fu movie ever.
So, as you can see, Doc, we gotta fix this right away.
Since I was the one who broke Little Chubby, I thought I should be there when he got fixed.
- How you doing? - I'm not gonna lie.
I'm a little scared. I miss my mom.
When I was a kid, I was afraid of the dark, and she'd hold my hand.
Hold my hand, would you, Earl?
- Sure. - Thank you.
Then she'd... she'd stroke my hair.
There you go. Then she'd sing to me.
She was one hell of a woman, wasn't she?
She was an absolute angel. You have no idea.
But now she's dead, and this guy's gonna take a quart of liquid out of my sac.
So, just sing to me, Earl.
I remember she... she loved Skynyrd.
- (nurse) Suction. - (sucking sound)
Fine. Ahem.
♪ If I leave here tomorrow
♪ Wow, wow, wow
♪ Would you still remember me?
♪ Wow, wow, wow, wow
♪ For I must be travelling on now
♪ Wow, wow, wa
♪ Cos there's too many places I've got to see
♪ Wah-ah-ah-ah
Little Chubby's doctor finally put Humpty and Dumpty back together again.
Me and Randy let our new friend recover at the motel.
The store was out of ice, so your options are Popsicles or frozen dinners.
Better stick with the Popsicles. Mama Mia looks too much like my grandma.
Besides, it'll be easier to work the Popsicles around my stitches.
Ah... Oh, no.
Ah... Oh, please, no!
Another sneeze?
Yeah, a big one. Ah, ah... ah, ah...
(sneezes and screams)
I can't bear to look. Did I pop a stitch?
(high-pitched) No, it looks all right.
(whispers) Have Catalina bring up more towels, and I'll call the doctor.
Luckily, nothing fell out before the doctor re-stitched Little Chubby.
Within days, his cherries didn't just look normal,
they started sending proper signals to his brain.
Holy crap! Now I get it.
She jumps, and all her female body parts move around. Amazing.
No wonder we make a fortune. I bet everybody here has working testicles.
Unfortunately, testosterone brought back more than lust for the ladies.
It brought back his aggression.
Oh, my God, I won! I never win.
- You must really suck. - Yeah, congratulations.
Ha-ha.
(sniffs)
Before we knew it, Chubby was up to his old tricks.
That's my boat.
How would you like it if I used your crock pot?
Or whatever it is you poor people cook with.
(screaming)
LC! What was that? Limo backfire?
Hey, those are my water wings.
Ha-ha.
You need to kill Little Chubby. He shot at the kids, then farted in my pool bag.
- I had my lunch in there. - He threw Mr. Turtle on the trampoline.
Mr. Turtle can't do anything on the trampoline. He was scared out of his mind.
- I miss my tail. - You're the ones who said I should help him.
We said you needed to fix him, not turn him into a monster.
When I left tonight, he was forcing truckers to lap dance each other.
It's getting dangerous. I'm quitting.
You quit, Little Chubby will pull my bail bond.
I ain't going to prison because you're afraid of getting murdered.
- Earl, you better fix this. - Fine. I'll talk to him.
Were those truckers good dancers like me, or did they just phone it in?
- Little Chubby? - Hey, Earl.
Beat it, broads.
- What's shaking? - Well, uh...
I'm just here cos the gang asked me to come by and say hello.
- Ha-ha. - Aaaargh!
That's funny. That's the Three Stooges.
Yeah, they're good.
Listen, Little Chubby, I gotta be honest with you.
- You're becoming a mean guy again. - I don't understand.
- See that? - Well, kind of like that.
That's something your dad would have done.
You got his gun in your pants. Nobody knows if it's loaded with vodka or bullets.
- It's bullets. - Bullets?
- Sure. - See?
Wow. You're right, Earl.
What's happening to me? I'm becoming a jerk.
I treat the girls bad, I take shots at kids.
I'm gonna have a drink. You want one?
Sure.
This is the third time I've had to come into your club and tell you something awkward,
but every time it turns out...
Ha-ha. That wasn't the Stooges. That was the Fall Guy.
Oh, man, that was a weird dream.
I was being hung up in the back of a...
Oh, my God!
- Hey, pally, how they hanging? - What are you doing?
Payback. You may know it as a Mel Gibson movie,
but it's also a synonym for revenge.
(wheezes) Are you crazy?!
No, you explode my marble pouch, and I explode yours.
- Let me just adjust this. - N-n-n-no.
- What happened to being a good person? - (machine beeps)
What about... Aaargh!
God, it hurts! But I'm glad it's not my clackers. Aaargh!
That one was a little high. I'll just adjust it here.
- You'll be bummed out about this one. - You were happy being nice.
You said you didn't want to die being hated and alone like your dad.
That was when my sac was destroyed. Now I'm all man.
(machine beeps)
Ha-ha. I saved you.
I know there's a good person in there.
You're not just your dad's son. You're your mom's son, too.
You're part her, but her part's overwhelmed by your dad's freaky hormone part.
I understand what you're saying, but what can I tell you?
I'm a Chubby. It's in my destiny, it's in my blood.
I knew he wasn't going to bunt those balls away from mine forever.
I needed to say something, anything.
♪ Cos I'm as free as a bird now
♪ And this bird you cannot...
I had heard of people singing for their supper.
You might say I was singing for my meat and potatoes, too.
♪ Lord knows, I can't ch-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-nge
♪ Lord, I can't change
Little Chubby, pick up the bat.
Please, pick up the bat.
All I could do was hold my breath, cringe, and wait to get racked by karma's baseball.
And then Little Chubby did something I never thought I'd see a man do.
He stood between me and karma.
He didn't do it to protect me. He did it to protect himself- from himself.
Like someone who can't handle their liquor,
Little Chubby realised he couldn't handle testosterone, so he went cold turkey.
Thanks, Earl.
I can't say I completely understood why he did what he did,
but it made sense to him, and that was good enough for me.
The thing, Earl, is that in my life, I've been feared and I've been loved.
I like being loved better.
Little Chubby, thank you for everything. I never had a health plan before.
- I have 12 cavities. - So you have no regrets?
I would have gone the surgical route, but you mentioned my mom, and I got carried away.
But the doctors say I should be walking again in about a year or so.
It's all good.
As crazy as it all was, it also kind of made me realise something.
Sometimes happiness is about giving up something precious to get something better.
And it made me wonder, would I do the same?
What would I sacrifice to be loved?
Not my balls!
ENGLISH SDH
Randy, what are you doing?! Grandpa tied that tie for me five years ago.
- You know I don't know how to tie it again. - I'm sorry, Earl.
I wanted to show you what I'd look like as a drunk guy at an '80s party.
Nice. Rock the casbah.
If I'm late for the funeral, I'm in trouble.
The last girl to show up has to give the departed his final lap dance.
Only one man in town could make people afraid of him even from beyond the grave.
And that man was Richard Chubby.
During his lifetime, Chubby was a powerful businessman.
He owned everything worth owning.
Come on down.
Don't forget- sweatpants are allowed and truckers shower for free.
And Richard Chubby liked more than just the smell of money.
When you combine all that money and power, you get a whole lot of crazy.
Open up.
Vodka.
Even if he didn't have a weapon in his hand, his hand was still a weapon.
It was scariest when even Chubby didn't know what he was doing.
Would you like me to freshen that drink for you?
I'll be damned! Ha-ha. I got the wrong gun!
There was a huge crowd at Chubby's funeral,
not cos people loved him, but cos attendance was mandatory for all Chubby employees.
Even worse, the service was during their unpaid lunch break.
Damn shame. I heard Chubby was just trying to do vodka shots.
Picked up the wrong gun and blew his head off.
Poor guy. Could have happened to anybody.
We could leave. It's not like Chubby's gonna pop out and kill people if they walk out.
We're staying because of the new boss. They say he's even worse.
(horn honks)
Catalina was right. The new boss was even worse.
With Big Chubby gone, there was only one person to take over the family business:
His son, Little Chubby.
Now that Big Chubby had died, his son was the most powerful man in Camden County.
That made me nervous, since me and him had history.
A few years ago, Little Chubby's favourite hobby was messing with people.
- He messed with Randy. - Hey, Randy.
There's a spot on your shirt.
I'm not falling for that again.
Look down. It'll be a lot of laughs.
All right, fine. You win.
He messed with me.
Get your ear pierced. Then we could be earring buddies.
Earrings aren't really my thing, LC.
So what you're saying is you think earrings look stupid.
No, that's not what I'm saying. I like earrings.
- I think that's what you're saying. - Little Chubby, what are you doing?
Aaaaarghhh...
Let's take a look.
You're right. It does look stupid. Ha-ha.
I think this ear means you're gay.
- He even messed with Crab Man. - That's the Fine Young Cannibals.
(♪ "She Drives Me Crazy")
I'll tell you something.
I do not like... Fine Young Cannibals.
He ended up on my list cos he messed with Joy when she was pregnant with Earl Jr.
Did I ever tell you I always had a fantasy of doing it with a pregnant chick?
It's like having sex with a fat chick, except I can't get her pregnant.
I wouldn't have sex with you if I was starving and your wiener was a ham sandwich.
Ham wiener. Classic.
(laughing)
- Ow! Ow! - Yeah.
While you were laughing, I accidentally cut off your rat tail.
So I'll tell you what, pretty girl.
Why don't we see if you can drink this before I cut off your hair, huh?
Hurry up.
He made me drink Randy's rat tail. I would have rather drank a real rat tail.
- You need to kill Little Chubby, slowly. - I'm not messing with that psycho.
Then you should have married a whore, instead of a real lady like me!
There was no point in arguing over Little Chubby, or that "real lady" comment.
I wanted to make her happy without getting killed, so I'd have to be really clever.
(cheering)
Number 43 on my list: "Racked a rich guy."
Day after the funeral, I went to tell Little Chubby what I'd done.
I'd expected him to do something crazy, but not this.
Earl, I want to thank you.
Truth is, the day you kicked me, it was a turning point in my life.
He explained that what hurt more than the pain in his baby-makers
was the realisation that everyone hated him.
And even weeks later, he couldn't shake the pain.
And so he just kept walking.
When a rich person's upset, they can do more than walk around the block.
- They can take a walk anywhere. - What's up, Aborigines?
Somewhere along his walk, he got the idea to be a nice person in the world,
do good deeds, like feed the hungry.
All right, you Aborigines, which one of you had Vegemite on wheat?
I realised we had something in common. We were both trying to be better people.
I didn't wanna come back, but I had to run the business.
I'm not gonna do it like Dad did. It's gonna be a kinder, gentler Club Chubby.
Got a heated stripper pole for the gals, screening for hep C, free of charge,
and I finally put a light bulb in the VIP room.
- Can I touch the heated pole? - Sure. Knock yourself out. Ha-ha.
Thank you for making me a better person.
Maybe if somebody had kicked Dad in the nuts,
he wouldn't have been so mean, and Mom wouldn't have hit the highway.
Must have been tough, seeing your mom leave.
She didn't leave. My dad threw her out of a moving car.
Still, it was tough to watch. Anyways, thanks a lot.
Just want to thank you. Give me a hug.
Male intimacy, it's not just for gays any more.
(Randy makes Tarzan call)
(cheering and applause)
(man) Nice!
- For you. - Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
I don't think I'm allowed to take phone numbers.
Since Little Chubby was a whole new guy, we started hanging out with him again.
This time, he didn't scare the hell out of us.
I would've got you a card, but they didn't have one that said, "Sorry I cut off your rat tail."
Cool!
This is way softer than my real hair.
He let us hang out at the mansion he inherited and live like they did on "Silver Spoons".
Hey, Joy. Hey, foetus. How you two doing?
Living large, LC. Man, is this thing comfortable.
They should make wheelchairs out of this stuff.
Then nobody would bitch about being in one.
I love it here.
Man, I'm rusty.
- Who was that? - Oh, uh... Well, just enjoy.
- Pretty nice up here, huh? - I could get used to living like this again.
I'm just happy I can share with people, you know?
Friends.
It was nice seeing a man who used to be so angry all the time be so happy.
Hey, why don't you help yourself to some fresh fruit?
Think I'm gonna catch a few Z's.
Still, I wanted to do something so I could cross Little Chubby off my list.
But I couldn't figure out what, since his life was so perfect.
Then I saw his freakishly damaged little chubbies,
and I realised he had two giant problems.
Hey, Earl, you're never gonna... Oh, my Go...
Ever since I'd seen his robe fall open,
I couldn't get Little Chubby's crazy-looking gonad pouch off my brain.
And so he was back on my list.
Yeah, it's about how big each one was. Now show them the colour.
It was mostly purple, like this.
But there was black and blue, too.
Then there were streaks of a colour I can only describe as "brorange".
That's probably why he always made that sound as he sat down.
I thought it was cos he was just relaxing.
- How's it going? - Hey, man, sit down and join us.
Don't mind if I do.
Ahh.
(prolonged groan)
Ah. Hm.
How you doing?
For the shape, I'm really gonna need a hammer.
It looks like how I pictured Grimace's McNuggets.
I bet that's why he doesn't have a woman. Little Chubby, not Grimace.
I'm sure Grimace pulls chicks left and right.
The injury could affect libido, like when you neuter a dog
and it doesn't want to hump your leg even if you're wearing corduroy.
That explains why he didn't look when I kissed Lacey on stage the other day.
See? That's the look I expected to get.
Well, I gotta make it up to him somehow.
I just hope he doesn't need a transplant, cos I don't think we're the same type.
Are we done comparing this mango to a man's 'nads? Cos I want to eat it.
Nobody knew how I could help Chubby, so I decided to talk to him man-to-man.
So you guys saw it, huh? Wow.
Sorry. I hope it wasn't too traumatic for you.
Some Aborigine tribes actually used to pray to 'em.
So what do you say? You almost done here, fellas?
To be honest, I haven't looked at 'em myself for months.
It kind of freaks me out. Is that one part of it still?
- I don't have the words to describe it. - Brorange?
- Yeah, that's it. - I'm afraid so.
- You also have bleen, yurple and gred. - That's not good.
- There's nothing the doctors can do? - I've never been to a doctor.
My dad always said, "Never trust a man that wants to put his finger in your butt."
- You can't argue with that logic. - On the other hand,
if Dad was so smart, why'd he have a hole in his head where the vodka should have been?
Let's go see a doc, huh? Ha-ha.
Cheese and crackers!
That's something!
I can see your heartbeat!
So, can you fix 'em?
Without a transplant, hopefully. Not that I wouldn't be willing.
No transplant, but I gotta say,
you couldn't have kicked him in a more perfect spot.
Mr. Chubby, you've got an obdurate testicular haematoma.
Ah. You know any of those words?
He took the jingle out of your bells. You're not making testosterone.
That explains your low sex drive, and why you rented Memoirs of a Geisha.
Man, that was the worst kung fu movie ever.
So, as you can see, Doc, we gotta fix this right away.
Since I was the one who broke Little Chubby, I thought I should be there when he got fixed.
- How you doing? - I'm not gonna lie.
I'm a little scared. I miss my mom.
When I was a kid, I was afraid of the dark, and she'd hold my hand.
Hold my hand, would you, Earl?
- Sure. - Thank you.
Then she'd... she'd stroke my hair.
There you go. Then she'd sing to me.
She was one hell of a woman, wasn't she?
She was an absolute angel. You have no idea.
But now she's dead, and this guy's gonna take a quart of liquid out of my sac.
So, just sing to me, Earl.
I remember she... she loved Skynyrd.
- (nurse) Suction. - (sucking sound)
Fine. Ahem.
♪ If I leave here tomorrow
♪ Wow, wow, wow
♪ Would you still remember me?
♪ Wow, wow, wow, wow
♪ For I must be travelling on now
♪ Wow, wow, wa
♪ Cos there's too many places I've got to see
♪ Wah-ah-ah-ah
Little Chubby's doctor finally put Humpty and Dumpty back together again.
Me and Randy let our new friend recover at the motel.
The store was out of ice, so your options are Popsicles or frozen dinners.
Better stick with the Popsicles. Mama Mia looks too much like my grandma.
Besides, it'll be easier to work the Popsicles around my stitches.
Ah... Oh, no.
Ah... Oh, please, no!
Another sneeze?
Yeah, a big one. Ah, ah... ah, ah...
(sneezes and screams)
I can't bear to look. Did I pop a stitch?
(high-pitched) No, it looks all right.
(whispers) Have Catalina bring up more towels, and I'll call the doctor.
Luckily, nothing fell out before the doctor re-stitched Little Chubby.
Within days, his cherries didn't just look normal,
they started sending proper signals to his brain.
Holy crap! Now I get it.
She jumps, and all her female body parts move around. Amazing.
No wonder we make a fortune. I bet everybody here has working testicles.
Unfortunately, testosterone brought back more than lust for the ladies.
It brought back his aggression.
Oh, my God, I won! I never win.
- You must really suck. - Yeah, congratulations.
Ha-ha.
(sniffs)
Before we knew it, Chubby was up to his old tricks.
That's my boat.
How would you like it if I used your crock pot?
Or whatever it is you poor people cook with.
(screaming)
LC! What was that? Limo backfire?
Hey, those are my water wings.
Ha-ha.
You need to kill Little Chubby. He shot at the kids, then farted in my pool bag.
- I had my lunch in there. - He threw Mr. Turtle on the trampoline.
Mr. Turtle can't do anything on the trampoline. He was scared out of his mind.
- I miss my tail. - You're the ones who said I should help him.
We said you needed to fix him, not turn him into a monster.
When I left tonight, he was forcing truckers to lap dance each other.
It's getting dangerous. I'm quitting.
You quit, Little Chubby will pull my bail bond.
I ain't going to prison because you're afraid of getting murdered.
- Earl, you better fix this. - Fine. I'll talk to him.
Were those truckers good dancers like me, or did they just phone it in?
- Little Chubby? - Hey, Earl.
Beat it, broads.
- What's shaking? - Well, uh...
I'm just here cos the gang asked me to come by and say hello.
- Ha-ha. - Aaaargh!
That's funny. That's the Three Stooges.
Yeah, they're good.
Listen, Little Chubby, I gotta be honest with you.
- You're becoming a mean guy again. - I don't understand.
- See that? - Well, kind of like that.
That's something your dad would have done.
You got his gun in your pants. Nobody knows if it's loaded with vodka or bullets.
- It's bullets. - Bullets?
- Sure. - See?
Wow. You're right, Earl.
What's happening to me? I'm becoming a jerk.
I treat the girls bad, I take shots at kids.
I'm gonna have a drink. You want one?
Sure.
This is the third time I've had to come into your club and tell you something awkward,
but every time it turns out...
Ha-ha. That wasn't the Stooges. That was the Fall Guy.
Oh, man, that was a weird dream.
I was being hung up in the back of a...
Oh, my God!
- Hey, pally, how they hanging? - What are you doing?
Payback. You may know it as a Mel Gibson movie,
but it's also a synonym for revenge.
(wheezes) Are you crazy?!
No, you explode my marble pouch, and I explode yours.
- Let me just adjust this. - N-n-n-no.
- What happened to being a good person? - (machine beeps)
What about... Aaargh!
God, it hurts! But I'm glad it's not my clackers. Aaargh!
That one was a little high. I'll just adjust it here.
- You'll be bummed out about this one. - You were happy being nice.
You said you didn't want to die being hated and alone like your dad.
That was when my sac was destroyed. Now I'm all man.
(machine beeps)
Ha-ha. I saved you.
I know there's a good person in there.
You're not just your dad's son. You're your mom's son, too.
You're part her, but her part's overwhelmed by your dad's freaky hormone part.
I understand what you're saying, but what can I tell you?
I'm a Chubby. It's in my destiny, it's in my blood.
I knew he wasn't going to bunt those balls away from mine forever.
I needed to say something, anything.
♪ Cos I'm as free as a bird now
♪ And this bird you cannot...
I had heard of people singing for their supper.
You might say I was singing for my meat and potatoes, too.
♪ Lord knows, I can't ch-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-nge
♪ Lord, I can't change
Little Chubby, pick up the bat.
Please, pick up the bat.
All I could do was hold my breath, cringe, and wait to get racked by karma's baseball.
And then Little Chubby did something I never thought I'd see a man do.
He stood between me and karma.
He didn't do it to protect me. He did it to protect himself- from himself.
Like someone who can't handle their liquor,
Little Chubby realised he couldn't handle testosterone, so he went cold turkey.
Thanks, Earl.
I can't say I completely understood why he did what he did,
but it made sense to him, and that was good enough for me.
The thing, Earl, is that in my life, I've been feared and I've been loved.
I like being loved better.
Little Chubby, thank you for everything. I never had a health plan before.
- I have 12 cavities. - So you have no regrets?
I would have gone the surgical route, but you mentioned my mom, and I got carried away.
But the doctors say I should be walking again in about a year or so.
It's all good.
As crazy as it all was, it also kind of made me realise something.
Sometimes happiness is about giving up something precious to get something better.
And it made me wonder, would I do the same?
What would I sacrifice to be loved?
Not my balls!
ENGLISH SDH